Friday, January 9, 2015

Ode to Men Wearin' Tight Fittin’ Pants

This poem challenge comes from Al Blanton -- a guy who does a lot, including run 78 Magazine (  He is a real live character, and he's a student of Southern masculinity.  While macho by the standards of most of the world, Al doesn't have quite enough trucks and guns to make it in his hometown, the big city of Jasper, Alabama.

His challenge was to write a poem called "Ode to Men Wearin' Tight Fittin' Pants."  Somehow, I didn't take this as an opportunity to be whimsical.  In fact, a better title for the poem would probably be "Poem in Which I Solemnly Reflect on the Religious Significance of Pants."  Give me a challenge about something serious, though, and maybe I'll be silly.  I have a challenge in my queue to write about insurance defense work, and I can't imagine that one not being funny. 

Ode to Men Wearing Tight Fittin’ Pants

How do you choose
to show or hide your shape?

To the wearer, the worn matters
mostly to the knees, which would rather
be warmly addressed.

Some men act
as if robed in burlap.

A cowboy is liable
to treat his body like a roaming cow.
It's a hobby
to be tough,
but it's more fun
to be silt-soft and salubrious
as the limbs of the Mississippi.

Oh the lucky man doesn't think
too much about his pants.

In the story, we first wore leaves,
you and I both, man.

Our bodies were ours before we took them
from the snake and saw we were dying
of desire, and taking cover
was all the hope we had.

Dying trees wear their many-colored clothes
loose as kilts and Wranglers
and tight as tight-fittin' pants.

The tree of life has only ungloved hands
adorned with orchestral orbs.

Al's Review:
When Will Ferrell and Jimmy Fallon hit the stage, hailing their "Tight Pants," little did they know that a poem would soon aptly celebrate their swank couture. This latest effort by Ivy Grimes demonstrates the struggle, the toil of the man who desires a tighter cut jean, less room in the buttocks region, and cuffed pant legs that hug the ankle. It proudly celebrates the freedom of the man who is comfortable enough with himself to slide on the tighter fitting pant, even though excess Christmas ham and dressing added an extra 10 to his frame. Here's to the man who courageously buttons up his too-tight shorts from last summer, who cannot breathe for six minutes because they are way too tight. And may we pray for those who come their way, that an errant button may only graze a shoulder, and not put an eye out.