To be fair, though, even the most disgusting description of a Taco Bell taco makes me hungry.
And now, for your post-Thanksgiving pleasure:
Taco Bell
by Jane AustenA Scene from Chapter 1:
"Love
does more to stir a young girl's heart than money. An old girl,
now...that's a different matter entirely," Mr. Dimpsey noted as he
poured several packets of Fire Sauce into his first beef taco of the
evening. No one could accuse Mr. Dimpsey of being overly delicate in
either his eating habits or his addresses to Mrs. Dimpsey. Mrs,
Dimpsey, in spite of years of close observation of Mr. Dimpsey's
manners, was always amazed both by his sharp remarks and by the
distressing amount of tacos he could consume in any meal.
"Mr. Dimpsey, please! I am an old girl to you, I
suppose, but I haven't a heart for myself anymore. My only heart is for
my daughter, who does not seem to have been favored with this
indispensable organ of her own."
"Mother, if you'll pardon me, I must protest. My heart is quite real, though it is light and airy as a cinnamon twist."
"Yes, my daughter, as light and airy, and with the same consistency - that of a butterfly wing," said Mrs. Dimpsey.
Mr.
Dimpsey finished his first taco in two bites and was already in the
midst of his second as he chided Diana, his only daughter.
"I dare say, Diana, your heart could break as quickly as a crunchy taco shell at the first bite of a solid man with any appetite about him. You won't stand a chance unless you toughen up, like a crunchy taco that has been at rest under a heating lamp for several days, in a delicious lukewarm pallor that ferments and enhances the flavor of the beef mixture inside."
"I dare say, Diana, your heart could break as quickly as a crunchy taco shell at the first bite of a solid man with any appetite about him. You won't stand a chance unless you toughen up, like a crunchy taco that has been at rest under a heating lamp for several days, in a delicious lukewarm pallor that ferments and enhances the flavor of the beef mixture inside."
"Well anyway, father, I haven't the slightest notion of
entertaining any gentlemen this summer. Although if I did, I dare say
we would occasionally exchange these dull plain tacos for a cheesy
steaktang and applesauce burrito, which you know to be a favorite of
mine."
Mr. Dimpsey chuckled as he swallowed his fifth taco.
"This is quite so, Diana. And I tell you, we shall have such burritos
in a fortnight when the young Mr. Whicklesby, our new neighbor, joins us
for a late night snack, as I have thusly and this very afternoon
invited him to do!"
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